I tried really hard to blog yesterday – and the day before that – and the night before that, all to no avail. I started typing things so many times, but each time I’d read the first paragraph and decide that it was too disheartening/discouraging to put out there for people to read. Problem is as much as I’d like to share a lot of things with you guys and “de-burden” my heart, I’d really hate to become the kind of blogger who aids/abets depression in any form, shape or manner. Bottom line is if I type something that sounds too demoralizing to me, I’ll keep deleting and censoring myself until I finally spew something that lacks the rancid taste of misery.
TIME: 1:30am Central
PLACE: Happy Tea House
ORDER: 1 Thai tea
PURPOSE: To document my vision for 2010.
Yesterday morning, I had a little time to myself in between making pancakes and reading and I was able to revisit with God about a particular issue. Naturally, this issue really is the least of my problems right now but for some reason that was what I wanted to talk to him about. Towards the end of 2008, I felt like he had told me something - complete with the sign and everything, and my conversation with him yesterday morning basically involved me closing that chapter. I had arrived at the conclusion that I had heard wrong because more than a year later, nothing about this situation had aligned with what I thought I heard. I remember telling him: “I must have just made this up to be something more than it was supposed to be, so I’m letting it go. But on the off-chance that I did hear correctly, I believe that you can do that which you have said regardless of what it looks like right now” I thought about Mary and how her life had changed drastically over a short period of time simply because she believed, so I ended by telling him this: “you’re the same God who orchestrated everything that catapulted Mary from her status as a simple maiden to mother and wife, so I believe that if you indeed did tell me this then you can bring it to pass without me bemoaning the logistics – I let go, but I still believe” Basically I gave up sha.
Fast forward to a couple of hours later, and the object/subject of that conversation surfaces in a way that let me know that God was trying to show me something. Truth is that I did New Year’s eve differently this year; instead of going to a Nigerian church, I followed the prompting to go to a special function at my own church (which doesn’t do watch night services btw, hence my tradition of spending new year’s eve at one of the RCCG parishes) Funny thing is that I tried really hard to shake the feeling because my friends were going over to the Nigerian church and it didn’t make much sense to go off on my own – on new year’s eve - but the prodding was too real to shake so I ended up over there. I could easily have been somewhere else, but He moved things around so that I could see. I was really happy and I couldn’t have asked for a better new year’s eve really. Although somewhere in my head, I’m still like “gosh am I reading too much meaning into this” (call me Thomas hehe), I know that there’s no way such an intricate sequence of events could have resulted from mere coincidence.
Tonight I was reminded that it doesn’t matter how things look (bad, off-track or complicated); the only thing that really matters is what God wants to do with you or that situation. I’m really hopeful for a great year! If you’re like me and you feel/felt as though 2009 wasn’t too kind to you, this is the year that God will restore double of everything that you might have lost. I truly appreciate you guys for reading, leaving kind words in your wake, or simply stopping by to say hello, may you never lack inspiration this year. Party hard but please, be safe. Cheers to a wonderful new year…..besos.
Current Listen: The Fray - Syndicate
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGDY8jJPuLw
Friday, January 1, 2010
Friday, December 4, 2009
I believe in crawling
That first smile that squeezes your heart
Till u forget the meaning of self
And truly understand the meaning of life -
Life birthed by you
Or the first hug as tiny fingers
Wrap themselves around your finger
Till your racing pulse reminds you that
A new reason for existing has just been birthed
The first sound, the first suckle,
The first sleepless night, the first illness,
Yet the first true wonder of all is his first real triumph-
The one against gravity
Time ceases as you watch little arms and legs
Find the strength to move after days - or weeks - of continuous stationary rocking
Your lungs itch to scream
"Go baby, go baby!! You can do it! Yes! Yes! There you go, come to mama, here, come here love" All you want to do is cheer him on,
Yet you don't want to startle or distract him
So calmly you sit, smiling, as arms outstretched,
Your heart slowly moves into your arms
And just as slowly, the world ceases to exist
Because you know that this is only the first of many victories,
Because you know that someday, in his own way, he'll learn this same lesson again
That sometimes walking, running, skipping, or flying are not viable options -
That sometimes crawling is all we have the strength for
And that at other times even the strength to crawl will be hard to muster
But strive we must -
To dig our toes in
And steady our shaky knees and arms
Because in order to run or skip or fly,
First we must learn to crawl.
So it snowed in Houston today and anyone who knows anything about this here weather knows that snowing is an extremely rare occurrence. Anyhoo, they let us off work early just to be safe and I used that opportunity to catch up on my precious sleep. Woke up, had dinner, and cuddled up in front of the tv. A 20/20 episode with Chris Brown was on and I sort of saw the whole thing. At the end, they had a video from one of his new work and it's PROBABLY titled "Crawl" or "Crawl back to love" or something like that but it got me thinking about a lot of things. First how the media and people, in general, vilify popular people(Brown, Woods) when a lot of them probably commit the same atrocious acts - it's baffling how easily we forget that these are mere human beings, who have an inalienable right to mistakes of their own. More importantly, the concept of crawling back to vitality, success, or love jumped out at me. The more I thought about it, the clearer it became to me that a lot of people spend a huge portion of their lives fighting the crawling process - yours truly included. Its hard when things aren't working out the way we'd like them to and the odds are just stacked high against us. However, that whole experience becomes even harder when we fail to look out for the nuggets of wisdom that are so abundantly available to us during these trying times. This is simply because getting out of these valleys is highly dependent on how quickly we pick up the lessons that God/fate/life(whichever you subscribe to) intended for us to learn. So if you're going through one of those not-so-phenomenal times of your life, remember that it's OK. It's OK to try to enjoy the process instead of creating a deeper valley by spiralling into self-pity, depression or anger. Besides the things you pick up now will prepare you for the bigger challenges that come with the oh-so-phenomenal times ahead. So heads up, shoulders square, chests out soldiers:)
In other news, I'm wondering what the deal is with tactless men who still don't know not to comment on a woman's hair - especially when they don't have something nice to say. So what if I look better in weaves with cascading curls and awesome bangs:D? Does that mean that I've lost the right to wear my own hair in a simple ponytail? I mean what kind of msg would I be sending to little black girls with my hair type if I spend 365(6)days wearing hair that's not mine? That they have to wear weaves all the time to look/feel gorgeous? C'mon son! Although I must say that I'm tempted to go put some NaOH in this hair and call it a wrap but people keep saying that if I do it, I'll miss my fro. Oh well, swept back buns and ponytails it is for now - and I still look great hehe.
J. Ifeme, I read your last post, "A letter to my daughter" - absolutely lovely, you're going to be a great dad. To check out said post, click on the "Poetically Spoken" link to your right:) Have a lovely weekend guys.
Till u forget the meaning of self
And truly understand the meaning of life -
Life birthed by you
Or the first hug as tiny fingers
Wrap themselves around your finger
Till your racing pulse reminds you that
A new reason for existing has just been birthed
The first sound, the first suckle,
The first sleepless night, the first illness,
Yet the first true wonder of all is his first real triumph-
The one against gravity
Time ceases as you watch little arms and legs
Find the strength to move after days - or weeks - of continuous stationary rocking
Your lungs itch to scream
"Go baby, go baby!! You can do it! Yes! Yes! There you go, come to mama, here, come here love" All you want to do is cheer him on,
Yet you don't want to startle or distract him
So calmly you sit, smiling, as arms outstretched,
Your heart slowly moves into your arms
And just as slowly, the world ceases to exist
Because you know that this is only the first of many victories,
Because you know that someday, in his own way, he'll learn this same lesson again
That sometimes walking, running, skipping, or flying are not viable options -
That sometimes crawling is all we have the strength for
And that at other times even the strength to crawl will be hard to muster
But strive we must -
To dig our toes in
And steady our shaky knees and arms
Because in order to run or skip or fly,
First we must learn to crawl.
So it snowed in Houston today and anyone who knows anything about this here weather knows that snowing is an extremely rare occurrence. Anyhoo, they let us off work early just to be safe and I used that opportunity to catch up on my precious sleep. Woke up, had dinner, and cuddled up in front of the tv. A 20/20 episode with Chris Brown was on and I sort of saw the whole thing. At the end, they had a video from one of his new work and it's PROBABLY titled "Crawl" or "Crawl back to love" or something like that but it got me thinking about a lot of things. First how the media and people, in general, vilify popular people(Brown, Woods) when a lot of them probably commit the same atrocious acts - it's baffling how easily we forget that these are mere human beings, who have an inalienable right to mistakes of their own. More importantly, the concept of crawling back to vitality, success, or love jumped out at me. The more I thought about it, the clearer it became to me that a lot of people spend a huge portion of their lives fighting the crawling process - yours truly included. Its hard when things aren't working out the way we'd like them to and the odds are just stacked high against us. However, that whole experience becomes even harder when we fail to look out for the nuggets of wisdom that are so abundantly available to us during these trying times. This is simply because getting out of these valleys is highly dependent on how quickly we pick up the lessons that God/fate/life(whichever you subscribe to) intended for us to learn. So if you're going through one of those not-so-phenomenal times of your life, remember that it's OK. It's OK to try to enjoy the process instead of creating a deeper valley by spiralling into self-pity, depression or anger. Besides the things you pick up now will prepare you for the bigger challenges that come with the oh-so-phenomenal times ahead. So heads up, shoulders square, chests out soldiers:)
In other news, I'm wondering what the deal is with tactless men who still don't know not to comment on a woman's hair - especially when they don't have something nice to say. So what if I look better in weaves with cascading curls and awesome bangs:D? Does that mean that I've lost the right to wear my own hair in a simple ponytail? I mean what kind of msg would I be sending to little black girls with my hair type if I spend 365(6)days wearing hair that's not mine? That they have to wear weaves all the time to look/feel gorgeous? C'mon son! Although I must say that I'm tempted to go put some NaOH in this hair and call it a wrap but people keep saying that if I do it, I'll miss my fro. Oh well, swept back buns and ponytails it is for now - and I still look great hehe.
J. Ifeme, I read your last post, "A letter to my daughter" - absolutely lovely, you're going to be a great dad. To check out said post, click on the "Poetically Spoken" link to your right:) Have a lovely weekend guys.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Battle
Empty words, meaningless actions
Futile thoughts ravage this once fertile soil
Once rife with genius and wise words and inspiration
it tosses and turns, seeking reprieve from its soul-less existence
A land once full of oak trees that flourished despite the weather
and stems that boasted of evergreen leaves of original thoughts
dangling in their untainted glory
Now worn out by the wear and tear of injustice
Veins ravaged by the venom of mediocrity
But longing - still longing for their glory days
when they brought beauty
and dared to reach deep into the depths of uncharted expressions
Longing....
Fighting....
to keep their heads up
"Must restore beauty to the land"
"Must restore beauty to the land"
They chant,
Even as empty words and unfinished thoughts, and........
and........"must resto....."
Well I'm sure you get the point:)
I've been reading and keeping up with my favorite blogs, so fear not - and I'll try hard not to be gone for so long. Un milione di baci(a million kisses)to the lovelies who've checked on me.
Taking a page out of blogoratti's book...
Current listen: John Mayer's Assassin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHaCqfRd1_o&feature=player_embedded
Futile thoughts ravage this once fertile soil
Once rife with genius and wise words and inspiration
it tosses and turns, seeking reprieve from its soul-less existence
A land once full of oak trees that flourished despite the weather
and stems that boasted of evergreen leaves of original thoughts
dangling in their untainted glory
Now worn out by the wear and tear of injustice
Veins ravaged by the venom of mediocrity
But longing - still longing for their glory days
when they brought beauty
and dared to reach deep into the depths of uncharted expressions
Longing....
Fighting....
to keep their heads up
"Must restore beauty to the land"
"Must restore beauty to the land"
They chant,
Even as empty words and unfinished thoughts, and........
and........"must resto....."
Well I'm sure you get the point:)
I've been reading and keeping up with my favorite blogs, so fear not - and I'll try hard not to be gone for so long. Un milione di baci(a million kisses)to the lovelies who've checked on me.
Taking a page out of blogoratti's book...
Current listen: John Mayer's Assassin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHaCqfRd1_o&feature=player_embedded
Monday, August 24, 2009
L.L.M.F.C
First things first, because I've been wondering: There are some blogs that I can't comment on simply because the "post comment" links are disabled for me. Anyone know why?
*MYNE WHITMAN* I'm enjoying your story - just thought I'd say that since I can't do that on your blog. Something tells me I just misspelt your name*crosses fingers*
So I'm pretty much the "I don't do something unless I feel like doing it" kind of person. I love cooking but I don't cook unless I feel like. I love writing, but I won't write unless I'm inspired. And just a whole bunch of other things like that. I started this blog like a year before I actually posted anything - a whole year. I was thinking about that, and it occurred to me that I get distracted easily - mostly by life. I have my priorities and I devote time to them according to how high up the list they are. Ergo, things like "writing exercise" suffer when I don't have time. The main idea behind this blog was/is for me to improve my writing skills by way of use. Here's to me devoting time to this part of me that's getting bigger and more important by the second.
On Life:
Learning is a life-long process. Some learn from others, while others learn from personal experience but the koko is that we're always learning new things. Some believe that wisdom comes through past experience, but I believe that wisdom comes from God. There are so many variables in our day-to-day lives that it hardly makes much sense to rely on the past to provide that which we must apply to today's dilemmas/conundrums. People say "listen to your elders, what an old person sees sitting down, a child won't see it even if they're standing on a foot-stool" To this I say, "really?" I remember about nine years ago, one of my maternal uncles wanted to get married to his girlfriend and everyone was just totally against it - including my own mother o. His mom, brothers, sisters - literally everyone. Too many reasons. He went ahead and married her anyway. Today, they're happily married with kids and wait for it........my mom loves her now! The morale? Set and tune your inner wiseboard! Reliance on other people's thoughts, opinions or experiences or even your own past experiences doesn't always work.
On Love:
He's the type that wants to lean in and whisper something into your ears the moment he thinks about it. I wait till we get home or wherever. But I like those moments when he leans in. He's really good at sharing. I'm not. I'm the type that likes some room in public; space between us when we sit, yards between us in a room full of people. He likes to have a visual. I won't linger by his side, but I like feeling his eyes on me.
I feel like I'm regressing and I'm viciously fighting that feeling. I will not go back there. I've moved on. Friends. I've made many a male friend this way and it's the only way forward.
Timing has never been on my side when it comes to love. I either fall too fast or too late.
I'm the poster child for single and happy - literally. I've done 'single and happy' since before it became a fad. But lately, I haven't been feeling quite right. If I didn't know better, I'd say I was feeling lonely. This may be why I feel like I'm regressing - revisiting mountains of feelings/attraction that I once surmounted. But why?
Yesterday morning, I heard God ask me: "Is anything too difficult for me?"
On Music:
I don't know what I'd do without music. We have an awesome intimate love affair going on. He rocks me to sleep at night, wakes me each morning with a gentle nudge. Music massages the kinks out of mind, while scintillating genius and arousing creativity. He relieves my stress, and my senses are drawn to him - all of him: lyrics, chords, notes, and beats. Music is my lover and we are completely in tune.
Currently on repeat: Daughtry "Open up your eyes"
Coldplay "Fix you"
On Food:
I love food. I am a food lover and I'm not ashamed to holler this. I love cooking and one of my stress-relief techniques is to create recipes and try them out. This past weekend, I tried my hand at clams. Combined it with mushrooms, pesto(both traditional basil and sun-dried tomatoes) sauce, shredded deli meat, and 16oz of mostaccioli......and culinary magic happened. As I always do whenever I make something new, I started with a teeny little serving. Let's just say I had two additional big servings after that. Anyone can cook well! Never let anyone tell you squat about your cooking:D
On Career:
Let's just say that the craziness that is my life re-commenced today. Henceforth, it's 40-hour work weeks intertwined with 12-hour school weeks. I'm still trying to figure out how to make my dinner for the next day the night before so that I can eat in class. That way when I get home at 10pm, my digestion would be complete and I can go to bed immediately without having to worry about acquiring an additional layer of stomach fat *phew* And of course, I need to find time for my job-search which is like a whole different full-time job by itself. Ah well, superwoman I am.
I can't tell, but I believe this post is way longer than I wanted it to be. If you got to this point, thou art a brave soul and I LOVE YOU more than a fat kid loves cake! Enjoy the rest of your week darls.....besos.
*MYNE WHITMAN* I'm enjoying your story - just thought I'd say that since I can't do that on your blog. Something tells me I just misspelt your name*crosses fingers*
So I'm pretty much the "I don't do something unless I feel like doing it" kind of person. I love cooking but I don't cook unless I feel like. I love writing, but I won't write unless I'm inspired. And just a whole bunch of other things like that. I started this blog like a year before I actually posted anything - a whole year. I was thinking about that, and it occurred to me that I get distracted easily - mostly by life. I have my priorities and I devote time to them according to how high up the list they are. Ergo, things like "writing exercise" suffer when I don't have time. The main idea behind this blog was/is for me to improve my writing skills by way of use. Here's to me devoting time to this part of me that's getting bigger and more important by the second.
On Life:
Learning is a life-long process. Some learn from others, while others learn from personal experience but the koko is that we're always learning new things. Some believe that wisdom comes through past experience, but I believe that wisdom comes from God. There are so many variables in our day-to-day lives that it hardly makes much sense to rely on the past to provide that which we must apply to today's dilemmas/conundrums. People say "listen to your elders, what an old person sees sitting down, a child won't see it even if they're standing on a foot-stool" To this I say, "really?" I remember about nine years ago, one of my maternal uncles wanted to get married to his girlfriend and everyone was just totally against it - including my own mother o. His mom, brothers, sisters - literally everyone. Too many reasons. He went ahead and married her anyway. Today, they're happily married with kids and wait for it........my mom loves her now! The morale? Set and tune your inner wiseboard! Reliance on other people's thoughts, opinions or experiences or even your own past experiences doesn't always work.
On Love:
He's the type that wants to lean in and whisper something into your ears the moment he thinks about it. I wait till we get home or wherever. But I like those moments when he leans in. He's really good at sharing. I'm not. I'm the type that likes some room in public; space between us when we sit, yards between us in a room full of people. He likes to have a visual. I won't linger by his side, but I like feeling his eyes on me.
I feel like I'm regressing and I'm viciously fighting that feeling. I will not go back there. I've moved on. Friends. I've made many a male friend this way and it's the only way forward.
Timing has never been on my side when it comes to love. I either fall too fast or too late.
I'm the poster child for single and happy - literally. I've done 'single and happy' since before it became a fad. But lately, I haven't been feeling quite right. If I didn't know better, I'd say I was feeling lonely. This may be why I feel like I'm regressing - revisiting mountains of feelings/attraction that I once surmounted. But why?
Yesterday morning, I heard God ask me: "Is anything too difficult for me?"
On Music:
I don't know what I'd do without music. We have an awesome intimate love affair going on. He rocks me to sleep at night, wakes me each morning with a gentle nudge. Music massages the kinks out of mind, while scintillating genius and arousing creativity. He relieves my stress, and my senses are drawn to him - all of him: lyrics, chords, notes, and beats. Music is my lover and we are completely in tune.
Currently on repeat: Daughtry "Open up your eyes"
Coldplay "Fix you"
On Food:
I love food. I am a food lover and I'm not ashamed to holler this. I love cooking and one of my stress-relief techniques is to create recipes and try them out. This past weekend, I tried my hand at clams. Combined it with mushrooms, pesto(both traditional basil and sun-dried tomatoes) sauce, shredded deli meat, and 16oz of mostaccioli......and culinary magic happened. As I always do whenever I make something new, I started with a teeny little serving. Let's just say I had two additional big servings after that. Anyone can cook well! Never let anyone tell you squat about your cooking:D
On Career:
Let's just say that the craziness that is my life re-commenced today. Henceforth, it's 40-hour work weeks intertwined with 12-hour school weeks. I'm still trying to figure out how to make my dinner for the next day the night before so that I can eat in class. That way when I get home at 10pm, my digestion would be complete and I can go to bed immediately without having to worry about acquiring an additional layer of stomach fat *phew* And of course, I need to find time for my job-search which is like a whole different full-time job by itself. Ah well, superwoman I am.
I can't tell, but I believe this post is way longer than I wanted it to be. If you got to this point, thou art a brave soul and I LOVE YOU more than a fat kid loves cake! Enjoy the rest of your week darls.....besos.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
The thin line between fact and fiction...
It's been (too)two (long)weeks. The problem is that I've been doing way too much reading and too little writing. I've been in avoidance mode for the past two weeks and that simply means that I've spent a lot of time in the world of fiction. Fiction is the way I avoid the stress of my reality and every once in a while, I find myself wondering where my real life ends and where the fictional one from my ever-hyperactive imagination begins. Right now the line that separates the two is muy blurry. I can't tell one apart from the other; Can you? ************************************************************
I see you there,
don't know where you come from
Unaware of a stare from someone
Don't appear to care that I saw you and I want you
What's your name?
'Cause I have to know it
Those were the words streaming into my ears as eyes closed, head thrown back, lips parting and closing, I breathed in the music - in a partially crowded restaurant. Even though I had gotten a table in an obscure corner of the room, I still had a pretty neat view of everyone in there. Date nights are the best part of my month and tonight, this perfect little hole in the wall was working its charm again. Date nights were something I invented the year I graduated from college - my revolutionary way of saying "I'm straight; I'll take myself out, if no one will ask me out jare" lol. Now its sort of evolved into a pamperme/me time type thing. Being a book-worm in school had served me well; graduated summa cum laude at 21 and well on my way to med school. Ah med school! Just the thought of it snapped me back to reality. My reality. The reality in which I was a budding entrpreneur, a writer with her first book currently undergoing its last round of demolition(my love for my editor triggered a smile), and an employee at one of the top energy companies(graduating top of my MBA class also had its perks). To think that my story could have been different sent slight shivers down my spine. Not that I find life as a doctor that repugnant, a part of me just knows that it'd have been the wrong path for me. But errm I digress. My point is that being a book-worm had ensured that I had basically no coping skills when it came to men: I was entirely too honest(which was sometimes mistaken for naivete), and I often said "no" when I ought to say "yes" and vice versa.
As I kept thinking of some of the changes I had made over the years, my thoughts strayed towards motherhood. There's nothing I want more than to be a mother someday. One who's there, just like my mother was - like she still is. One who can home school her children; who can be her children's nanny, while maintaining multiple streams of income; and more importantly, one who remains undeterred by the lack of a man(thank God for adoption, and sperm donors aka designer babies). So yeah 36-hour shifts wouldn't have been the way forward. Thank God for closing some doors and opening others, I thought as I forced myself to return to the proposal in front of me. As if I wasn't swamped enough, I had volunteered to review this for a friend. Better here than in my apartment
I glanced at my watch and wow its been an hour since my last wandering thought - a full hour of work. "Phenomenal" I thought, as I rolled my neck, and summoned the waiter
"Hey laurent! I think I deserve some of ignacio's tiramisu" I beamed at the gorgeous 20 year old.
"Ah about time bella. Coming right up" he said, winking at me before sauntering off into the kitchen. Oh the joys of youthful exuberance, I thought to myself. This place felt like home. Good food(oooh I'd take the chef home if he wasn't already taken), good people, old-fashioned gorgeous men who still believed in chivalry, good music, and peace.... I indulged in some people watching(my fave pasttime btw) while waiting for my order. Surveyed clothes and style, observed body language at the different tables, rated men - and women. I noticed that the place was filled with lots of good-looking women and that catapulted me into an introspective state once again. Those women looked perfect. I, have a problem with perfection. Those women could probably turn the meanest of men into putty with one perfected meaningful look. A smile is the best flirting move in my arsenal - and that's even when my brain goes "Seun smile! he's smiling at you o" hahaha. I was still laughing in my head when I heard the voice.
"Excuse me? Qui รจ il tuo dolce" he breathed.....eyes smiling, lips barely moving. First of all where's laurent? Second of all, why has the universe chosen tonight(when I'm on a date with myself) of all nights to assault my senses with this serving of delectable, masculine goodness. His face reminded me of someone popular - can't remember the dude's name for the life of me. Baby face, yet deep-seated lines on his forehead and laugh lines in distracting places betrayed the years behind the face. His height had me tilting my head back while my eyes took in broad shoulders clothed by a crisp white shirt. Sleeves folded up to his elbow revealed rippling muscles, veins, and dark hair as he re-balanced the tray on his left hand. Hmm a lefty perhaps? My eyes began a slow descent even as my brain screamed at me to stop. I was so embarassed, but the will to stop eluded me. Shamelessly, my eyes continued - singlemindedly - on their mission, and met with a narrow waist that further emphasized the broadness of his top. Dark belt, grey pants, Prada shoes - same shade as the belt. Wait - did I just think Prada?? Yes, those are definitely, unmistakably, Prada. How does a woman who knows next to nothing about shoes and owns a meager ten pairs of shoes know this? One of my closest friends(who's very heterosexual btw) owns this particular type in every color that the manufacturer makes. He's been the butt of many metro-peculiar jokes thanks to those shoes, but he swears by them so yeah I recognize them shoes. Just then it hit me. This man isn't on staff silly - he doesn't even have the signature logo on his shirt! I chided myself. Fact: A good-looking stranger was serving me dessert. Fact: I was tongue-tied!!
"You ordered the chef's specialty tiramisu, correct?" he inquired
All I could manage was a slight nod as he deftly pushed my work to the side before setting the plate in front of me. He stood there for two seconds - a quizzical look and a slight smile on his face.
"Here, let me help" he offered, easing himself into the other chair at the table.
He's definitely a lefty; Pure dream; So hot, so charismatic; Wait, why is he serving me? Where's my laurent? These were the thoughts flying around in my head so I didn't realize what he was doing until he picked up the silverware. Scooping up a tiny piece of the cake, he lifted the fork right up to an inch from my mouth,
"Open up for me" he said. And I did. At the same moment, my senses were invaded by an all-too-familiar rush, and a quiet moan escaped before I could catch myself.
"Hmm delicioso? I take it you're a big fan of my brother's culinary skills" he inquired with a slight smile. Darn that little, crooked smile - I want a real smile.
I choked back on a second moan that was threatening to escape my lips, and finally the spell was broken.
"Big fan" I confirmed, "I'm sorry, who are you?"
He extended his hand across the small table, "How rude of me. I'm adam, the prodigal brother"
A brother? You mean to tell me that all these years of Ignacio's wife having to ward me off her man, he had a brother stashed somewhere? A man from the same gene pool?
"I didn't know ignacio had a brother" Another sentence. Yay me!
"Yeah, most people don't know"
*Pause*
"My work keeps me away and I've only been back like a month or so" he added.
"I'm Seun" I offered
"I know. I saw you walk in earlier but I couldn't come over because I was in a meeting"
"You saw me walk me in?"
*Nod*
"I was at that table with a group of friends" he said pointing to the end of the restaurant closest to the bar. "Got away as soon as I could, and even had to arm-wrestle laurent so I could bring your dessert over - and introduce myself" he said matter-of-factly as he lifted the fork to my mouth again. A bigger piece this time so that we just starred at each other while I chewed. He really had divine features: full lips, small brown eyes framed by big eyelashes, nose proportionally placed between two cheekbones, his hair was cropped really low, and two unruly eyebrows brought a smile to my face. I can't fault him for not wanting to mess with the one thing that added a subtle imperfection to that face - at least he didn't have a unibrow. Wait, are those gold specks in his eyes? Wow, can somebody say overwhelming beauty.....
"Do men always react to you this way?" He asked as he fed me another piece. The question didn't quite register until his left eyebrow lifted slightly
"Do women always react to you this way?" I countered and that got a smile out of him. Ah finally, a real smile.
"Point taken. Would you - I'd like to show you something when we're done here?" *Pause* "If you don't have to be somewhere else" he added.
Here I was, shy as I am when it comes to men, perfectly comfortable with this guy feeding me. There was something so raw and real about him. Something so unaffected, that even his sophisticated and elite aura couldn't mask. There he was, out of his element, yet so quietly at ease with feeding me. So comfortable and patient with coaxing words out of me; not pushing, just silently pleading; not aggressive, instead there was an air of submission about him that said: "don't worry about me, take your time"
And right then, as I opened my mouth for another bite, I knew. It wasn't a feeling - it was more like a fact had been dropped into my subconscious so that I wasn't second-guessing myself.
"Sure" I replied with my mouth full; Yes sir, it was definitely a night of first(s).
I see you there,
don't know where you come from
Unaware of a stare from someone
Don't appear to care that I saw you and I want you
What's your name?
'Cause I have to know it
Those were the words streaming into my ears as eyes closed, head thrown back, lips parting and closing, I breathed in the music - in a partially crowded restaurant. Even though I had gotten a table in an obscure corner of the room, I still had a pretty neat view of everyone in there. Date nights are the best part of my month and tonight, this perfect little hole in the wall was working its charm again. Date nights were something I invented the year I graduated from college - my revolutionary way of saying "I'm straight; I'll take myself out, if no one will ask me out jare" lol. Now its sort of evolved into a pamperme/me time type thing. Being a book-worm in school had served me well; graduated summa cum laude at 21 and well on my way to med school. Ah med school! Just the thought of it snapped me back to reality. My reality. The reality in which I was a budding entrpreneur, a writer with her first book currently undergoing its last round of demolition(my love for my editor triggered a smile), and an employee at one of the top energy companies(graduating top of my MBA class also had its perks). To think that my story could have been different sent slight shivers down my spine. Not that I find life as a doctor that repugnant, a part of me just knows that it'd have been the wrong path for me. But errm I digress. My point is that being a book-worm had ensured that I had basically no coping skills when it came to men: I was entirely too honest(which was sometimes mistaken for naivete), and I often said "no" when I ought to say "yes" and vice versa.
As I kept thinking of some of the changes I had made over the years, my thoughts strayed towards motherhood. There's nothing I want more than to be a mother someday. One who's there, just like my mother was - like she still is. One who can home school her children; who can be her children's nanny, while maintaining multiple streams of income; and more importantly, one who remains undeterred by the lack of a man(thank God for adoption, and sperm donors aka designer babies). So yeah 36-hour shifts wouldn't have been the way forward. Thank God for closing some doors and opening others, I thought as I forced myself to return to the proposal in front of me. As if I wasn't swamped enough, I had volunteered to review this for a friend. Better here than in my apartment
I glanced at my watch and wow its been an hour since my last wandering thought - a full hour of work. "Phenomenal" I thought, as I rolled my neck, and summoned the waiter
"Hey laurent! I think I deserve some of ignacio's tiramisu" I beamed at the gorgeous 20 year old.
"Ah about time bella. Coming right up" he said, winking at me before sauntering off into the kitchen. Oh the joys of youthful exuberance, I thought to myself. This place felt like home. Good food(oooh I'd take the chef home if he wasn't already taken), good people, old-fashioned gorgeous men who still believed in chivalry, good music, and peace.... I indulged in some people watching(my fave pasttime btw) while waiting for my order. Surveyed clothes and style, observed body language at the different tables, rated men - and women. I noticed that the place was filled with lots of good-looking women and that catapulted me into an introspective state once again. Those women looked perfect. I, have a problem with perfection. Those women could probably turn the meanest of men into putty with one perfected meaningful look. A smile is the best flirting move in my arsenal - and that's even when my brain goes "Seun smile! he's smiling at you o" hahaha. I was still laughing in my head when I heard the voice.
"Excuse me? Qui รจ il tuo dolce" he breathed.....eyes smiling, lips barely moving. First of all where's laurent? Second of all, why has the universe chosen tonight(when I'm on a date with myself) of all nights to assault my senses with this serving of delectable, masculine goodness. His face reminded me of someone popular - can't remember the dude's name for the life of me. Baby face, yet deep-seated lines on his forehead and laugh lines in distracting places betrayed the years behind the face. His height had me tilting my head back while my eyes took in broad shoulders clothed by a crisp white shirt. Sleeves folded up to his elbow revealed rippling muscles, veins, and dark hair as he re-balanced the tray on his left hand. Hmm a lefty perhaps? My eyes began a slow descent even as my brain screamed at me to stop. I was so embarassed, but the will to stop eluded me. Shamelessly, my eyes continued - singlemindedly - on their mission, and met with a narrow waist that further emphasized the broadness of his top. Dark belt, grey pants, Prada shoes - same shade as the belt. Wait - did I just think Prada?? Yes, those are definitely, unmistakably, Prada. How does a woman who knows next to nothing about shoes and owns a meager ten pairs of shoes know this? One of my closest friends(who's very heterosexual btw) owns this particular type in every color that the manufacturer makes. He's been the butt of many metro-peculiar jokes thanks to those shoes, but he swears by them so yeah I recognize them shoes. Just then it hit me. This man isn't on staff silly - he doesn't even have the signature logo on his shirt! I chided myself. Fact: A good-looking stranger was serving me dessert. Fact: I was tongue-tied!!
"You ordered the chef's specialty tiramisu, correct?" he inquired
All I could manage was a slight nod as he deftly pushed my work to the side before setting the plate in front of me. He stood there for two seconds - a quizzical look and a slight smile on his face.
"Here, let me help" he offered, easing himself into the other chair at the table.
He's definitely a lefty; Pure dream; So hot, so charismatic; Wait, why is he serving me? Where's my laurent? These were the thoughts flying around in my head so I didn't realize what he was doing until he picked up the silverware. Scooping up a tiny piece of the cake, he lifted the fork right up to an inch from my mouth,
"Open up for me" he said. And I did. At the same moment, my senses were invaded by an all-too-familiar rush, and a quiet moan escaped before I could catch myself.
"Hmm delicioso? I take it you're a big fan of my brother's culinary skills" he inquired with a slight smile. Darn that little, crooked smile - I want a real smile.
I choked back on a second moan that was threatening to escape my lips, and finally the spell was broken.
"Big fan" I confirmed, "I'm sorry, who are you?"
He extended his hand across the small table, "How rude of me. I'm adam, the prodigal brother"
A brother? You mean to tell me that all these years of Ignacio's wife having to ward me off her man, he had a brother stashed somewhere? A man from the same gene pool?
"I didn't know ignacio had a brother" Another sentence. Yay me!
"Yeah, most people don't know"
*Pause*
"My work keeps me away and I've only been back like a month or so" he added.
"I'm Seun" I offered
"I know. I saw you walk in earlier but I couldn't come over because I was in a meeting"
"You saw me walk me in?"
*Nod*
"I was at that table with a group of friends" he said pointing to the end of the restaurant closest to the bar. "Got away as soon as I could, and even had to arm-wrestle laurent so I could bring your dessert over - and introduce myself" he said matter-of-factly as he lifted the fork to my mouth again. A bigger piece this time so that we just starred at each other while I chewed. He really had divine features: full lips, small brown eyes framed by big eyelashes, nose proportionally placed between two cheekbones, his hair was cropped really low, and two unruly eyebrows brought a smile to my face. I can't fault him for not wanting to mess with the one thing that added a subtle imperfection to that face - at least he didn't have a unibrow. Wait, are those gold specks in his eyes? Wow, can somebody say overwhelming beauty.....
"Do men always react to you this way?" He asked as he fed me another piece. The question didn't quite register until his left eyebrow lifted slightly
"Do women always react to you this way?" I countered and that got a smile out of him. Ah finally, a real smile.
"Point taken. Would you - I'd like to show you something when we're done here?" *Pause* "If you don't have to be somewhere else" he added.
Here I was, shy as I am when it comes to men, perfectly comfortable with this guy feeding me. There was something so raw and real about him. Something so unaffected, that even his sophisticated and elite aura couldn't mask. There he was, out of his element, yet so quietly at ease with feeding me. So comfortable and patient with coaxing words out of me; not pushing, just silently pleading; not aggressive, instead there was an air of submission about him that said: "don't worry about me, take your time"
And right then, as I opened my mouth for another bite, I knew. It wasn't a feeling - it was more like a fact had been dropped into my subconscious so that I wasn't second-guessing myself.
"Sure" I replied with my mouth full; Yes sir, it was definitely a night of first(s).
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Never Say Die
I remember reading one of Rita's Lyrics' posts on prayer and how to develop your prayer life. Excellent suggestions by everyone who commented but after today, I must say that having the mindset that sets you free to pray wherever, whenever, is the best; after all our heavenly father is omnipresent.
I had a good day yesterday - nothing spectacular - ditched a major event, hung out at a friend's - just a really chilled day. Toward the end of the day, while doing something mundane, God gave me a word that made me very happy. So all in all, I woke up in really great spirits this morning - happy and all. I was running late for church, but girl that I am, I still decided to dab on a little make up - "I'll just do my eyes" I thought to myself. Mascara mishap and ten minutes later, I'm officially late - no two ways about it. I rushed out of my apartment, down the stairs, and just as I was pulling out of my parking spot a little thought popped into my mind: "this is the perfect recipe for getting into an accident; you're rushing so you're gonna get into an accident". Let me just say that this isn't the first time that I've dealt with this sort of thought because I'm always rushing somewhere. Normally, I'd rebuke the enemy nonchalantly, say something like "u're mad, you have no power over anything concerning me - I rebuke you ijn" and be on my way. This morning was different. I actually actively prayed about the thought. Covered myself, car, and the roads with the blood of Jesus, and prayed that God would see me to church and back home safely. A bunch of other declarations and a mental note to drive more carefully, I zoomed out of my apartment complex. Less than 50yards from the entrance to my favorite parking garage, and BAM! This other woman coming out of one of the other parking garages failed to stop and look before getting onto the feeder road and just ran into the side of my car - as I was driving by o. Funny enough, she didn't even attempt to stop or anything like that - just drove off.
I drove into the garage, parked and got out to take a look at the damage. My car was spotting multiple dents and scratches on the side. At first, I was so upset! Really upset. Not about the accident but with God: I had prayed about it, I had rebuked the enemy in your name - and I still got into an accident. Why? "Do you even listen to me when I pray to you?" I asked. Right at that instant, I realized that it could have been worse! As at the time I was sulking, I was (a) alive!!! (b) not being rushed to a hospital for injuries (c)not having to tow my car off to some car shop. Basically, it occurred to me that this was a mere inconvenience(I'm gonna have to pay money to do some body work - which I don't even have to do immediately because I really don't care) I mean here I was walking into church as if nothing had happened. I'm sure that if the enemy had his way, I'd be in a much worse position right now. So God did hear me. He protected me like he's always done, just that this time he gave me evidence to go by; He showed me what the enemy had planned before it even happened and then went ahead and showed me that truly "no weapons fashioned against me will ever prosper" Don't ask me why he didn't just stop the accident from happening all together; all I know is that what the enemy planned for evil, he'll turn it around and use it for my good one way or another. Anyhow so I walked into church, shared my testimony with friends who prayed for me, enjoyed the service and came back home safely.
So I'm sharing with you guys. Stay in prayer guys; be watchful and alert always. Also wanted to share a few things from service today. If you missed church today, consider this your mini sermon hehe....
"Never Say Die".....Joel Osteen
- A holy determination is needed to attain success.
- We were made to be conquerors; we have staying power to overcome obstacles and we've been annointed to make it through tough times.
-Psalm 51:10(Amp); The right spirit involves persevearance; It enables us to elevate our God and not our problems; also helps us to remain trustful when tough times come around, and to encourage ourselves to stay in faith.
- there's gotta be a relentlessness that says "I refuse to give up!" no matter what. Continuously shake off self pity and discouragement; we are overcomers! That's what the word of God says and it stays true - even when things don't look right in the physical. Our mentality should be "This too shall pass!" Every setback is a set up for a greater come-back; trials strengthen us.
- Say no to wimpiness; Anybody can quit, anybody can get discouraged but it takes a great person to press on and persevere in the face of obstacles.
- I choose to focus on my God; The bible says that our latter days will be better than our former days so hold this as your truth for when those doubtful thoughts tell you to give up.
- Isaiah 61:7; double blessings for double the trouble.
- Losers focus on what they're going through; winners focus on where they're going to. Troubles and trials are sometimes vehicles to get us to our destination - they propel us if we'll activate our faith and determination.
All of the above was paraphrased of course, notes typed on my bb in church - talk about crackberry addict lol. Have a lovely week darlings! besos.
I had a good day yesterday - nothing spectacular - ditched a major event, hung out at a friend's - just a really chilled day. Toward the end of the day, while doing something mundane, God gave me a word that made me very happy. So all in all, I woke up in really great spirits this morning - happy and all. I was running late for church, but girl that I am, I still decided to dab on a little make up - "I'll just do my eyes" I thought to myself. Mascara mishap and ten minutes later, I'm officially late - no two ways about it. I rushed out of my apartment, down the stairs, and just as I was pulling out of my parking spot a little thought popped into my mind: "this is the perfect recipe for getting into an accident; you're rushing so you're gonna get into an accident". Let me just say that this isn't the first time that I've dealt with this sort of thought because I'm always rushing somewhere. Normally, I'd rebuke the enemy nonchalantly, say something like "u're mad, you have no power over anything concerning me - I rebuke you ijn" and be on my way. This morning was different. I actually actively prayed about the thought. Covered myself, car, and the roads with the blood of Jesus, and prayed that God would see me to church and back home safely. A bunch of other declarations and a mental note to drive more carefully, I zoomed out of my apartment complex. Less than 50yards from the entrance to my favorite parking garage, and BAM! This other woman coming out of one of the other parking garages failed to stop and look before getting onto the feeder road and just ran into the side of my car - as I was driving by o. Funny enough, she didn't even attempt to stop or anything like that - just drove off.
I drove into the garage, parked and got out to take a look at the damage. My car was spotting multiple dents and scratches on the side. At first, I was so upset! Really upset. Not about the accident but with God: I had prayed about it, I had rebuked the enemy in your name - and I still got into an accident. Why? "Do you even listen to me when I pray to you?" I asked. Right at that instant, I realized that it could have been worse! As at the time I was sulking, I was (a) alive!!! (b) not being rushed to a hospital for injuries (c)not having to tow my car off to some car shop. Basically, it occurred to me that this was a mere inconvenience(I'm gonna have to pay money to do some body work - which I don't even have to do immediately because I really don't care) I mean here I was walking into church as if nothing had happened. I'm sure that if the enemy had his way, I'd be in a much worse position right now. So God did hear me. He protected me like he's always done, just that this time he gave me evidence to go by; He showed me what the enemy had planned before it even happened and then went ahead and showed me that truly "no weapons fashioned against me will ever prosper" Don't ask me why he didn't just stop the accident from happening all together; all I know is that what the enemy planned for evil, he'll turn it around and use it for my good one way or another. Anyhow so I walked into church, shared my testimony with friends who prayed for me, enjoyed the service and came back home safely.
So I'm sharing with you guys. Stay in prayer guys; be watchful and alert always. Also wanted to share a few things from service today. If you missed church today, consider this your mini sermon hehe....
"Never Say Die".....Joel Osteen
- A holy determination is needed to attain success.
- We were made to be conquerors; we have staying power to overcome obstacles and we've been annointed to make it through tough times.
-Psalm 51:10(Amp); The right spirit involves persevearance; It enables us to elevate our God and not our problems; also helps us to remain trustful when tough times come around, and to encourage ourselves to stay in faith.
- there's gotta be a relentlessness that says "I refuse to give up!" no matter what. Continuously shake off self pity and discouragement; we are overcomers! That's what the word of God says and it stays true - even when things don't look right in the physical. Our mentality should be "This too shall pass!" Every setback is a set up for a greater come-back; trials strengthen us.
- Say no to wimpiness; Anybody can quit, anybody can get discouraged but it takes a great person to press on and persevere in the face of obstacles.
- I choose to focus on my God; The bible says that our latter days will be better than our former days so hold this as your truth for when those doubtful thoughts tell you to give up.
- Isaiah 61:7; double blessings for double the trouble.
- Losers focus on what they're going through; winners focus on where they're going to. Troubles and trials are sometimes vehicles to get us to our destination - they propel us if we'll activate our faith and determination.
All of the above was paraphrased of course, notes typed on my bb in church - talk about crackberry addict lol. Have a lovely week darlings! besos.
Famous 5
5 things that I would like to do :
1) Go to Italy - for food; literally do nothing but eat - ok maybe find some time to visit some of their architectural wonders.
2) Drive a real race car on a real drag strip.
3) Be my own boss
4) Create something phenomenal out of one of my hobbies.
5) Travel to Switzerland - for the sights
5 things that I look forward to:
1) Age 30
2) My first child - funny thing is he or she may be adopted
3) My next big break in life
4) The first million dollars in my foundation's account; setting up said foundation
5) The kind of love that can't let go of me - and that I can't let go of
5 things that I’d grab if my apartment caught fire:
1) Important documents
2) Purse - phone, make-up, roll-on, perfume will all be stashed inside clutch - wait is that cheating?
3) Security blanket aka my wrapper
4) Bible
5) Clothes
5 random things about me:
1) Notorious lone ranger
2) Full fledged germophobe
3) Eternal optimist
4) Drugs of choice: laughter, music, volume, God
5) Open thinker.
5 things that I’m wearing right now:
1) A house robe
2) A beaded hair clip
3) Nothing
4) Nothing
5) Nothing; what can I say? It's Sunday and I'm home
1) Go to Italy - for food; literally do nothing but eat - ok maybe find some time to visit some of their architectural wonders.
2) Drive a real race car on a real drag strip.
3) Be my own boss
4) Create something phenomenal out of one of my hobbies.
5) Travel to Switzerland - for the sights
5 things that I look forward to:
1) Age 30
2) My first child - funny thing is he or she may be adopted
3) My next big break in life
4) The first million dollars in my foundation's account; setting up said foundation
5) The kind of love that can't let go of me - and that I can't let go of
5 things that I’d grab if my apartment caught fire:
1) Important documents
2) Purse - phone, make-up, roll-on, perfume will all be stashed inside clutch - wait is that cheating?
3) Security blanket aka my wrapper
4) Bible
5) Clothes
5 random things about me:
1) Notorious lone ranger
2) Full fledged germophobe
3) Eternal optimist
4) Drugs of choice: laughter, music, volume, God
5) Open thinker.
5 things that I’m wearing right now:
1) A house robe
2) A beaded hair clip
3) Nothing
4) Nothing
5) Nothing; what can I say? It's Sunday and I'm home
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